regarding time, or more ramblings from Times

I'm sitting opposite my roommate Rachel, who is staring intently at her computer - probably wedding planning and thinking about a million other things on her to-do list. We are at a cafe called the Imperial Cakery, located on the second floor of Times Bookstore - a fusion of Borders and Barnes & Noble for bookstore lovers.

It is Lebaran, the end of the Ramadhan season when Indonesian Muslims pulang[return home] to their hometowns and villages to celebrate the buka puasa [breaking fast] with their families and loved ones. I have to say, between getting settled in to a new home and country and working 8:30 am - 4:30 pm (we went home earlier for the month of September during Ramadhan, due to truncated lunch times) and life group on Tuesdays and Wednesdays after work, and spending other days meeting up with our new LCGs (life change group) and team meetings and preparing for Sunday Celebrations...the break is much needed and much appreciated. During the time of fasting, my teammates and I committed to fasting during the bulan puasa [fasting month].

Overall, the women of 6F (e.g., my roommates and I) - with individual modifications - kept our fasting like that of the Muslims: fast during the daylight hours, and break fast at sundown. My colleague Asnal from Human Resources, a devout Muslim, was sharing with me one day that they fast to purge themselves of their dosa, or sins. I shared with him that Christians fast not only to remind ourselves that yes, we are sinful and need to repent daily, but also so that when hunger pangs arrive, we can challenge ourselves to think, "Do I need God more than I need food?" While I have to admit that those were not always my thoughts whenever the hunger pangs came, I have to say that God was doing a great work of surfacing things in my heart during the fasting season...I mentioned this vaguely in an earlier post, and I will continue to be vague. Suffice to say that it has been painful to face some of the hurtful words and memories and experiences - these root causes of things that have shaped who I have become, but freeing at the same time. And on the brink of turning a year wiser, I realize that I can make decisions to not continue in these ways of thinking, in these patterns that are harmful to me and those I love. And now I am rambling...

There was a sign for a writing competition in the window of Times the week we moved into our apartments, which are located a stones throw away from this bookstore. I think the topic was "Time is a powerful concept. How will you use it?" I'll be honest and say that I wanted to win that competition when I found out about it...but unfortunately, even though I spent hours free associating, my creative juices were not flowing in the way that I could come up with anything substantial to submit since I found out about it very last minute. I'm still not even really sure what I would have written about...

But I mention that because during this holiday break, I have been reflecting on where I was a year ago. A year ago, I was in Kalamazoo feeling sorry for myself, feeling inadequate and without enough work experience to find a job in an economy where more jobs were being lost every day...feeling envious of friends who had gotten their big breaks with jobs and future plans, all prior to graduation - and that's all well and good. By envious, I actually mean proud and happy...but really, I did feel like God had forgotten me and the waiting and the monotony of waiting were driving me crazy. I was trying to get back to Ann Arbor, "for ministry," I said so optimistically...when really, I didn't have a clue - and still don't many times here in Indonesia.

I remember praying one day at the end of August last year, "Lord, I just want a job...I will go anywhere, do anything, whenever you want me to do it..." and I got a call for an interview with the Tax & Accounting business of Thomson Reuters. It's funny because I really thought that it was for a job, that happened to end nine months later, which would give me the opportunity to come to this place. I had only ever seen Times in a picture, and I never dreamed that I would be living next door to it, and reflecting from it. I never realized that when I prayed that prayer out of desperation, that Ann Arbor was not the only place that God had in mind for me...but his plans reached so much further. And even though I am in Indonesia writing this, they still reach even further than this.

I can't believe that a year ago, I felt so discouraged without a job and without direction...and now that I am here, I can't even count the number of days on my hand when I didn't know what to do with my time (actually, last night was a first...since we didn't have work, we had a roomies day and wandered around the mall, cleaned, and watched a Korean movie "My Son" that evening that had all of us crying buckets and finished around 9:30 pm - and still so early, what to do?!)

The in-between times and the times of waiting are precious. And now that I have more than I wanted - a workplace that I love, a church I am learning to love more and more every day - I am humbled by God's faithfulness, and humbled to think that I should need proof like this that God was still thinking about me and loves me. So this was a lot less factual (And I wish it were more...I never really know what to write about sometimes but I trust that some of you can fill in the details with entries from my roommates/teammates), a lot more rambly (such as I am)...I challenge you if you are in an in-between time to trust in God and his faithfulness. In the meantime, I will try and come up with more factual sharings to post for next time...

Sampai nanti! [Until later!]