How are things going, you ask? For starters, we have been meeting in LIFE Groups with working single adults and married couples in Jakarta on Tuesdays at 7:00 pm and students from Universitas Pelita Harapan in Karawaci on Wednesdays at 6:30 pm. LIFE stands for a life of love, a life of investment into others, a life of faith, and a life of enjoyment. It has been so encouraging to see the people that God has allowed us to cross paths with, and despite meeting after a hard day’s work, I find that I have come out of each gathering so refreshed.
Last week, we had our Preview Sunday Celebration (in which our team was able to experience working out the many kinks involved with starting a church plant!) Pastor Seth preached on recognizing the condition of our hearts – that God always initiates things, that he doesn’t need us to do his work; but rather, we have the privilege of letting him use us as his vessels. I am realizing that you cannot give what you do not have – only what you do have (thank you for the latter part of that statement, Captain Obvious…) But I say it because it’s true.
I have actually been writing a lot since arriving here in Indonesia almost all of two months ago – but I have been hesitant to post anything because I feel like I am still finding my voice. While I haven’t yet been to the beach in Ancol, North Jakarta, I have been diving into the depths of my heart, and slowly mustering up the courage to recognize my true condition – rather than thinking of everything here in “blog mode” (which has been a tendency in my new surroundings) and edit and edit and edit myself until I think it’s presentable for the world to read…I have a lot of scabs on my heart, from old wounds from years ago. I thought everything was okay with the passing of time, and I am seeing how these things have affected how I treat people. I treat them how I anticipate being treated by others, some who have wounded me to the heart – whether intentionally or unintentionally. And because of these scars and scabs, I have wounded other people over the years – and have built up walls around my heart, and parade around with facades of things like intelligence, courage, and strength to protect me from further wounds…
For some reason, being away from where I was, it is easier to be honest with myself about who I really am: intelligence is my security, because I am afraid of the consequences of not being a good problem solver, of not understanding how things really work; courage – for things like killing cockroaches that somehow find their way up through the tiny slats in our kitchen sink drain – is actually fostered out of my fear of looking weak; and I fear looking weak because then I am vulnerable to attack and to what others think of me, regardless of whether these things are positive or negative.
I divulge these contemplations because the contrivance of my heart is all I have had to offer, to anyone, for such a long time. I used to be so afraid of coming to this place, even though I believed with my heart that it was God’s plan for my life, because of things like the 17 July bombings in Central Jakarta and the earthquake that registered 7.3 on the Richter scale a couple of days ago (which had me questioning my sense of balance - or was it the coffee that I have become so dependent on, and am currently drinking now?) And now that I am here, I recall these verses from Psalm 18 that I discovered when my senior year LIFE Group read them aloud together:
“They confronted me in the day of disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” (Psalm 18:18-19)
For this season in my life, Indonesia is my spacious place. When I think about the condition of my heart over all of these years – experiencing hurt, and then inflicting it on others around me, I realize how difficult I have been to love…and how thankful I am for a God who loves me just as I am, no facades required. It is because of this love that I am here, with my teammates who have also experienced the love of God powerfully, and want to share it with others who have not yet experienced it. This is a place to be honest with myself, and a place to heal.
From the previous thoughts, you see the brokenness and imperfections of my heart – and you can multiply that by the 12 other people on our team! In light of these things, please keep the Jakarta Team in prayer, as we are preparing for our Inaugural Service on Sunday, September 6, 2009, to be held at Sekolah Pelita Harapan at 10:30 am. To address the things that have been surfacing in my heart since arriving here, I praise God that he works in ways counterintuitive to my understanding: “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” (1 Corinthians 1:27) I think we’ve all adjusted fairly well within two months, but still looking foolish as we navigate cultural cues and differences. And even though we’re a team of 13, we are weak because we lack in people power for the time being - but I know that God can do so much with little, like feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish, and still having leftovers! We give what we have, as I mentioned earlier - and you can pray with us that all that we have to offer to them is not our wisdom, nor mere experience, nor strength, but Christ. Please pray that through this church plant, people can come to experience transformation in their hearts through the powerful and perfect love of God in their lives.
Thank you for reading…it’s been rather overwhelming trying to think of what exactly to post here. I want to post everything! From my thoughts on the human resources management industry (which here in Southeast Asia is widely connoted with “human trafficking” – but I assure you, my company is legit, e.g. not human trafficking, and I will share the sheets and sheets I have written on that topic later!) to my favorite foods here, (the quality, and price – so cheap by USD standards! and I am positive that my spicy tolerance will have increased a million fold by the time I return) I miss you all and owe so many of you well thought out e-mail responses. You can imagine that between two life groups and working life that it’s rather overwhelming to think about things that are outside of my current surroundings. Still adjusting, and it’s been absolutely wonderful to be here because it’s exactly where God wants me to be.
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