A bit of pretense before what I drafted below on 19 July: A friend of mine mentioned that she blogs quite frequently because she has quite a following of readers from her alma mater, and that loves to add a touch of humor to her posts. It reminded me that I haven’t touched this blog in months and that I should probably give a long overdue update (even though I’m sure I don’t even have quite the following that she does and my posts are usually more reflective rather than funny…which I’m okay with, and definitely want to be better at being more unedited and more humorous!) One piece of feedback that I received pretty frequently was the interest in how everyday life goes. To be honest, things that seemed so new and fresh to me about life in Jakarta have become “normal” and just a part of my daily life - so it has been hard to pick out the differences between my life there and my life here. But I do want to make more of an effort to give whoever is reading this a better picture of “daily life” and what God is doing here (whether in Indonesia or in me)… that said, I jotted down the following during some down time I had at school and wanted to share it as my way of processing the different changes that I encountered upon arriving back in Indonesia for what will be my third year here:
19 July :: My K1s and K2s are actually housed in the same classrooms that they were in last year. One of my K2s said to me, “In my class, I only have my friend Rendi from K1B” - when really they have a whole classroom full of colorful and unique personalities to get to know. So much change.
See I am doing a new thing…
The old has gone, the new has come!
Once I arrived in Jakarta over two weeks ago, we were all running around quite literally -with many people a part of our summer missions projects to Jogjakarta and Lampung. When the teams left, I stayed back here in Jakarta for work. I definitely felt the vacuum of people, and finally had the space to process different things: that I was back “home” in the States a mere couple of weeks ago and now back “home” in Jakarta; the absence and soon to be absence of people who have been in my life for a while; and that after two years I no longer live with and work with the same people that I serve in ministry with.
It has been easy to struggle with feelings of abandonment - even thinking back to events that I never actually witnessed: the death of my grandfather when he was 38, leaving behind his wife and four children; the death of my grandmother the week that my mother found that she was pregnant with me; and the various times I have watched people walk out of my life for various reasons.
Sure, it hurts.
My comfort: being reminded of God’s promise that he never leaves or forsakes us and that he loves us with an everlasting love. My perspective of change and of Him has been so skewed. The old paradigm: to open my heart and love is foolish because people will leave just when I do. But actually, Jesus loved with all of his heart, and he I have felt the right to be self-protective and to hold back. I love that my K2s (who were formerly my K1s) are still so tender of heart. I have been so nervous throughout this week about the K1s crying during class time, but the K2s have really cheered me so much with their unrestrained hugs and exclamations of “Miss Iris!”
As I wrote that, it made me think of God’s Father heart and how it must swell when we do the same towards him. I think this year will be even more stretching than I can comprehend. All the same spaces (job, living space, ministry) and yet a different context for things and people…
All things pass away but the Word of the Lord remains forever.
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