and now that it's May, some overdue updates...

::Taman Mini, and other reflections on fellowship::

They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.  – Acts 2:42

And he determined the times set for them and the exact places they should live.  – Acts 18:26b

Two Saturdays ago, a bunch of us ventured out to the east side of Jakarta to Taman Mini Indonesia Indah – a veritable Epcot-esque park of a miniature Indonesia.  Some of us played a game of walking ultimate Frisbee together, including yours truly.  The last time I played a game of walking ultimate was over a year ago at Palmer Field on Easter Sunday.  At that time I had no idea that a year later, I’d be walking furiously after a Frisbee in the thickness of a Jakarta afternoon with friends I couldn’t have anticipated meeting.  Afterward, everyone grabbed dinner at some roadside food stalls in Pondok Indah since we knew that the shopping malls in the city would be crowded.  Our whole table ended up sharing sate ayam [Indonesian-style chicken on skewers] and mini ice cream cones. 

And on Sundays, we usually eat a late lunch (after packing up everything from Sunday Celebration and then putting it safely away at home).  A couple of Sundays ago, we had at least 20 people sitting together at one long table – if not more.  I was sitting on one end with a group of people who had met maybe once or twice but were all connected by one person whom we met through one of our Michigan alumni. 

I was thinking as I looked at the long stretch of table that I couldn’t believe that I was freaking out a year ago about things like where we would live and who would befriend us and what would I do about a job…it was this unbelief that God was bigger than all of those things, and that he cared enough to provide and to plan for those things in advance, even before I was formed in my mother’s womb.  And now that I am here, I see that I should have been able to trust him without my eyes seeing what I see now. 

::reflecting on God’s promises::

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. – Psalm 119:11

“So what does that really mean?  How do we hide God’s Word in our hearts?”  It was a few Tuesdays ago, at Life Group in Jakarta.  After responding with some Sunday School/textbook answer, I realized that my response exposed me for many times blindly accepting the Bible as words strung together into nice-sounding sentences rather than really believing it to be God’s heart.  The question also exposed me for having the tendency to stay at the shallow end of things if I can help it rather than being exposed for what I don’t know.  This is also called pride.  The person who asked me the question then shared a different translation of the verse, from The Message: I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart so I won't sin myself bankrupt. 

At the conclusion of the study, my heart was hungry for more of God’s Word and as a huddle group, the three of us committed to sms-ing each other once we had completed our Bible reading for the day and prayer each day that week – which would also serve as an encouragement or reminder to the sms recipients.  (side note: we “sms” [short message service] in Indonesia, we don’t “text message.”  Or at least those of us who aren’t quite yet on the Blackberry boat…I think I’ve sent more sms’s in these past almost ten months than I have in the entire time that I’ve owned a cell phone.  Oh, we also call those “handphones.”)  One person in my huddle group committed to memorizing 10 promises for that week and writing them in her journal.  I also said that I would memorize 10, but didn’t quite make good on my promise for that week since I didn’t memorize the number that I said I would.  This also has to do with the idea of integrity, which is something I am more aware of lately. 

The message two Sunday Celebrations ago also reinforced the idea of God’s care and concern for us shown through his faithfulness to his promises, which are found in his Word.  Part of the practical application for last week was to find God’s promises in his Word and to write them down.  It was like another chance to make good on my word.  I actually haven’t kept count of how many verses I have been writing down whenever there is a chance to see the words with my eyes and get them into my brain, and then my heart. 

 Regardless of how many I have actually memorized (and I’m too lazy to count at the moment), last week was full of opportunities to depend on God’s grace…

::learning how to exchange weakness for strength; or, on teaching::

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

My role at work changed yet again when I started teaching English over a month ago.  I always prided myself at being a good student and absorbing academic material pretty well from teachers whom I adored throughout elementary school all the way up through high school and college.  I also remember every single one of my instructors’ names because I’m weird like that. 

Not only do I not have a teaching certificate, I also have no curriculum with which to plan my lessons everyday.  I find myself doubly unprepared and have viewed myself as under equipped in this way.  I find myself in the same situation with the children’s ministry here, and sometimes find myself freaking out when I see the ages ranging in one classroom from two-years-old to grade 6 and trying to figure out how to engage the various attention spans on my own.  Finally, I find myself serving in areas in which I have no experience and where I feel deeply conscious of messing up because I equate mistakes with shame and humiliation.  I find myself thinking often that things would be better if I had more experience or training, since that’s pretty much the only template I’ve ever known.  The thoughts I have been struggling through lately are also called “pride.” I have realized that making mistakes is inevitably this inherent part of being human (duh), and if anything, they are a great opportunity to learn and improve and grow. But I’m still a work in progress and learning how to embrace my lack, rather than freaking out about it. 

One of my roommates reminded me when I was feeling discouraged at work that “He who calls you is faithful, and He will do it,” (1 Thessalonians 5:24) meaning that whatever God has entrusted into my hands here that was not of my choosing – which were all of the things I mentioned above that I have felt so self-conscious about – He will “supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19), and would I trust Him to do that?  At the core of my freaking-out-ness is my unbelief that my Creator, and the Creator of the universe, could give me the creativity to teach in a way that honors Him – and that He Himself can teach me, as long as I look to Him.  I’m also reminded of Paul’s words in his second letter to the Corinthians, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I should praise him for these opportunities to be weak, which are really opportunities for God to demonstrate His strength through me – not based on my skill, which I have prided myself on for my whole life, but based on His grace. 

::masuk angin; or battling the Indonesian common cold

Supposedly there are two seasons in Indonesia: dry and rainy.  Rainy starts sometime in September and is supposed to end sometime in March-April.  I think.  And then dry season is supposed to start sometime in April and then goes until the rains come again.  The only real difference in the seasons is the amount of rain.  Other than that, there is no real fluctuation in temperature or any sort of marked change in the weather as this four-seasons-girl is accustomed to. 

One thing that is pretty subtle since you can’t see it, yet noticeable, is the change in atmospheric pressure. I’m not a science teacher so I can’t say more on that, but I feel the change keenly in my sinuses.  And, when the weather changes people catch a common cold that is referred to very seriously as masuk angin. The literal translation is “enter wind” and it occurs when the weather suddenly changes from hot to cold, it is possible for “bad wind” to enter a body.  Or at least that’s what I get from some conversations with people here.  As soon as masuk angin, symptoms include fever, sore throat, stuffed/runny nose and other things related to congestion, fatigue, and nausea just to mention a few.  So I’m also not a doctor, but I mention those things because I caught a cold over the weekend and experienced all of those symptoms.  I think it was a byproduct of trying to do everything on my own strength, and a good opportunity to remember to let God be strong in my physical weakness.

Funny to think through the cocktail of medicines I went through this weekend.  One I found particularly interesting and worth mentioning was a menthol-ly thick herbal syrup called tolak angin.  Tolak has this feeling of “to turn away/reject” and was formulated to reject masuk angin.  Our thoughtful friend Lukas dropped off a box of the syrup packets.  To that point, I had only ever seen advertisements for this “medicine” plastered on the sides of busses.  My roommate Sarah and I stared at it suspiciously as he explained to us that the syrup was to be taken straight and without water, and even downed a packet with us as proof that it was harmless.  The minty taste was overpowering, and my sore throat was happy to find respite through the syrupy coating.  Not a few hours later, I found myself feeling feverish again.  I don’t know how much of a hand the tolak angin played in my in-progress recovery, but trying it was definitely an experience in itself. 

::twitter::

I am probably the slowest kid on the block and finally joined the twitter world. Unfortunately my last name is so long that my initial username ended up being “irismacadangdan” and I didn’t like that so I settled for “irismacadang2.”  I actually haven’t christened my account with an inaugural tweet as of yet, but feel free to follow me if you want! 

::sepi [quiet] | or, regarding the prolonged silence::

It’s May, and I know I haven’t posted in what feels like ages.  Sometimes I really don’t know how to find my words, even though I profess them to be a love in my life, which is an explanation for the silence on my blog for the past almost three months (!).  I love to journal, yet there is the problem of not writing as fast as I think.  And lately when I sit to type out my thoughts at home instead, I end up falling asleep with my computer on my lap!  I also noticed that I was getting into the habit of blogifying everything I was thinking – a way to express my thoughts about life to the world, but I was barely writing for myself, which is another reason for the silence.  

You can access March, April, and future updates here at our website.  I also will try to post more often so that there's less to digest in one sitting.  Thanks for reading!