Today I
taught the kids about C is for cookie.
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And so far, it seems to have been a
hit (I was enjoying their expressions so much I forgot to take pictures of them for proof).
I made it
from this recipe - so legit. Baked them at
Janelle’s and she says that we should make them for our Christmas sugar cookies.
(Hard to believe that that’s around the corner)
It’s been a
while since I’ve posted, obviously.
But I figure I’ll share some things that I have been challenged to think
about over the past couple of weeks - the culmination,
being this post. Alliteration is
(C is for) cheesy…! Hence, I proceed to share with you some
of my thoughts - some raw and some processed:
C is for comparison: Have felt
insecure when it comes to work even though I actually love my job and the children. Because I didn’t study education as an undergrad, I have
been muddling through if this is actually what I’m supposed to be doing or not
when I feel like things don’t rub me right. It has also been pretty easy to compare myself to people
that I have been serving with in our
church and think, ‘Wow, I’m not as good as this person at this, or that
person at that,’ to the point where it has been crippling. A mentor
reminded me gently that if she had focused on what others were good at, she
wouldn’t have been able to do or be the things that God wanted her to do and
be. I was thankful for the
exhortation - and it has been great to realize once again that self-focus
kills.
C is for circumstances: This is
my third-going-on-fourth year living in Indonesia. It’s also my third-going-on-fourth year being in our life
group in Jakarta (which, incidentally, is C is for CHill, which is our life group name. It stands for City
on a Hill, from Matthew 5:14). I
have been growing to love this mess of a city with all the traffic and
pollution and poverty and myriad other problems… I have loved learning the city better and can navigate to
certain places much better than I ever imagined possible when I first moved
here. Jakarta is rich with influences
from outside culture (e.g. the
Netherlands, Japan, Portugal) as well as from the people groups from the
thousands of islands.
I have to be
honest and say that it hasn’t been easy being a part of a church and a life group with the same people for years now. When you get to know each other more
deeply, it’s so easy to see the deep-seated ugliness and filth in our
hearts. Things get messy. Because of sin and lack of learning lessons,
relationships become strained - and change. I’m not just talking generally - I am talking about my own life. And in spite of my growing love for the
city as a whole, it has been easy to feel like I just want to leave because of
circumstantial things.
C is for confession: Okay, so
one confession is that I always
judged the people who got into Korean dramas, thinking that they were really
lame and a waste of time. We
recently had a national holiday, so I took the long weekend to dive headlong
into the Korean drama “Secret Garden” and so my other confession is that I got sucked in. Music moves me pretty deeply, and it’s very
Asian-ballad-y-emo (galau.com, for you readers in Indonesia) sounding kind of
music that has been playing on repeat in my head. I’m not dissing Korean dramas - actually, it could have been
anything that I was filling my heart with. (So in this situation, it just happened to be “Secret Garden”). And it has been really easy to jump
into that as an escape from the painful reality of strain in a relationship
with a good friend and with the busyness of things that I know need to be taken
care of, but that this weary heart doesn’t want to do.
C is for character: almost four
years ago, my life group leader sat me down in a café in Ann Arbor and asked me if I had ever thought about taking a
year off to build my character and
not my resume. At the time, the
thought had never occurred to me, and
at that moment, I thought that she was crazy. But here I am, in a country I never saw in my five year
plan, in situations that are bringing out my character flaws and gaps in my
faith in Christ that I may never have seen had it not been for God’s
kindness.
C is for completion: I know that
this morning, for some reason, the Holy Spirit reminded me of Philippians 1:6:
“Being confident of this: that He
who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ
Jesus.” I’m a work in progress.
There are still so many things that haven’t changed in my heart, areas
of character still undeveloped - but Christ will do it.
C is for Christ: whom I admit, I
haven’t been placing my whole heart and focus on Him lately. But in spite of that, He has been
gracious, and constant. Do I want Him more than I want my
circumstances to change, or more than change itself? Though change hasn’t come in some areas as
quickly as I would hope (and has been my reason for despair - another confession), my joy (which has been so
hard to find and to remember everyday) is in knowing that it will come. I hope I can be content
with this, and content with Christ.
"I have been crucifed with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)
