(haphazardly written and edited post on the last day of 2010!)

It’s the last day of 2010 and all I can say is that I have been meaning to post more frequently.  The last few weeks of term 2 were pure madness sprinting through end of semester assessments, the kindy Christmas drama, and then hosting my family after their arrival a few days after the term ended.  For November, please feel free to check the comprehensive update at the HMCC of Jakarta update page.  I definitely have the desire to write more about everything that has transpired since my last update, but lack the patience to edit everything.  I will post a few more thoughts on things I have been thinking about at the close of the year.  

Christmas is all about Jesus (written on 25 December)

Really interesting to hear people's impressions of the Christmas season. Hearts and flowers and love being all around. I've spent most of my life in the Christmas season as winter. There are several factors in my new surroundings that have challenged my thoughts about this holiday:

Kindy Christmas Drama:
Yes, I wrote it. In the midst of term 2 assessments. Very haphazardly, I'll admit. And last minute, as is my usual style. It was about a boy who had an attitude problem on Christmas Eve, threw a temper tantrum when he didn't get his way, which was to open presents - especially his Ben Ten toy - that night instead of singing carols. He time traveled to Bethlehem on the night Jesus was born in a dream. He sees a real life uncle of his who is a shepherd. After hearing a chorus of angels heralding the birth of Christ, the uncle shepherd takes the boy to his parents' inn, where the boy finds Jesus, understands that his tantrum was wrong and that he is a sinner, and wonders as he holds the sleeping baby why the Son of God would ever come down to earth in the form of a small, vulnerable baby to eventually die on the cross for the sins of mankind.  He wakes up to his mother shaking him gently, hugs her, tells her sorry, and runs to the Christmas tree to sing "Happy Birthday, Jesus," a song that declares that Christmas and all things associated with it are wonderful, but it is all about Him.  I hope my 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds got it - especially since it mentioned Ben Ten and they love him. (unfinished)

= 31 December 2010 edit =

A trip to Pasar Baru

My parents insisted upon taking public transportation on their second day here – meaning the buses and angkots (smaller buses) taken by the nationals.  I have stuck to the conventional taksi even though they are considerably more expensive because I still lack confidence in my ability to communicate in the event that I get lost.  Also a westerner, I value getting to places on time and not having wait for long periods of time for transportation.  My mother challenged me as I showed anxiety over taking transport that I have chosen to remain unfamiliar with during my time here and said, “What are you afraid of? Getting lost?” Everything in me said ‘yes’ after having been lost for my share of times in Jakarta.  A conversation with the head of security at the place where my parents have been staying settled some of my doubts and off we headed to the market.  After making it there and back in one piece, I realized how self-protective I have been from various past experiences of feeling taken advantage of when people have recognized that I’m not actually Indonesian; how unforgiving and unwilling to move on from a series of events that I thought I brushed off easily.  As my parents couldn’t communicate easily with people, it was up to me to ask for help getting to our destination and to home.  I realized that actually, I do know quite a bit more of Bahasa Indonesia than I thought – and that it was very humbling to place myself in the hands of people and trust them to get me to where I needed to be.  Everyone along the way was very helpful and even more accommodating when they realized that it was our first time to that particular pasar.  One woman who was giving us directions back home even offered to drive us as far as Serpong, a town next to Karawaci, and then we could find our way home from there.  I felt very broken at the end of the day when I thought about how very good I have been about keeping a closed and protected heart throughout my time here.  Especially when thinking about how Jesus made himself vulnerable to everybody – even to the moment when he died on the cross to pay the penalty of sins he did not commit.

Family excursion; or, getting an education on love

Some family friends of ours let us use their timeshare for a getaway outside of Jakarta.  Located near a main street, we had easy access to miles of coastline on one side – and on the other, easy access to the small kampung streets. We ate cheaply in the warungs (roadside food stalls) instead of the pricey restaurants, which gave us a chance to enjoy a variety of Indonesian cuisine while identifying with the day-to-day dwellers of paradise – vendors who just sit and wait for hours and hours in the dense heat of the day.  My parents kept remarking on the similarities between the people of Indonesia and the Philippines, and I must have heard the history lesson that during the Majapahit empire, the Philippines were part of Indonesia’s conquests – which is why we “have the same face,” which is what many of the nationals keep remarking to the members of my family.  I was amazed to watch them converse freely with the housekeepers and adopt the driver that we hired for a day (and then two, and then three) like a son.  After watching from afar the trials at home, I have seen people who have experienced the power of God’s grace and though imperfect people yet still, seeing them live with hearts of utter gratitude to their Maker – and doing it through love and kindness to each person we interacted with.  I learned more about Hinduism during our drives to different places from my parents’ constant curiosity and questions for our driver, who is only about two years older than I am.  Very humbling to think that he is already a family man, married when he was slightly younger than I am now, with twin three-year-old daughters – and he probably makes a little more than $2-3 USD a day.  (Driving is a culturally accepted vocation and creates opportunities for employment for men here who would ordinarily have a hard time finding work; also, there was virtually no public transportation where we stayed – just for those who might be “stumbled” to read about drivers here). 

Ordinarily, I would have kept to myself like I do in a Jakarta taksi but I’m learning again what it looks like to love people genuinely and open-heartedly.  As I listened to my parents getting to know the people at the front desk, house keeping, security, and our driver, this verse came to mind: “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” (Romans 12:16) 

It was really beautiful to hear my father saying in person to me recently, after his demotion in August, “I have learned that it doesn’t matter what you do – but it matters who you are.” Currently struggling through this, although I am proud to tell people that I am here to be a kindergarten teacher (but primarily learning how to love God and people more), I have been starting to feel small pangs of anxiety over how little I feel that I have "accomplished" since graduating.  I have also judged people unfairly, expecting them to take advantage of me before giving them a chance - all to protect myself.  Looking with uncertainty still into a new year, I will say that I am certain that I want to learn how to love without feeling the need to protect myself, and to trust my heart to a Jesus who withheld nothing from me, even his own life.  Feels like it’s just like starting over, asking God to “create in me a clean heart,” as the Psalmist wrote. 

Thanks for reading this lengthy-long-winded-long-windedness (after my brief, very haphazard edits).  I hope that this year you may have greater conviction about your purpose and how God created you to be, and that you may experience the fullness of his grace and love in 2011.